Time to put up or shut up.

 Finally getting what you want can be a funny thing. 

I worked for most of the pandemic for a company that said it was ok to work from home, but when someone did they were talked about as though they were slacking and had their work questioned. The few times that I worked from home I was made to feel guilty for doing it and was checked up on to make sure I was working. 

That among other things made where I was working an incredibly toxic and mentally unhealthy place for me to be. When I worked there I did look for and apply for other jobs. Nothing ever came through though and eventually on the last day of May this year I was laid off.

It was a blessing. After the sharp curve though of healing from no longer being there came the thought of what's next?

Since I was young, then through school, and through all of my working days, I have always dreamed of being a writer. I had some success with playwriting in high school, and as an adult whenever I wrote something or came up with an idea on the spot I was told that I should be a writer. But I always told myself that I didn't have the time. 

Here I am with the time. And it is full of pressure. Mostly heaped on me by myself. It is completely overwhelming to have my dream in front of me just waiting for me to put the work in and grasp it. I used to think that imposter syndrome was just another term that some used as a coping mechanism. I am sitting here at the desk my husband built, in the bedroom that he turned into an office for me, and I am worried. I can't come out of this time that has been gifted to me with nothing to show but a few half-hearted attempts to create. 

But here's the thing. I can do this. I know deep inside that I can. It's time to get started.