1st World Problems

Oh, my word! It's almost Halloween! I freaking love Halloween. The costumes, the candy, the spooky stories. For a poor kid, Halloween was the apex of holidays. There is free candy and food everywhere. It makes me think of some of my favourite (non-scary) personal Halloween stories.  One of the times I lived in BC, I think it was Vernon, the whole complex we lived in threw a giant Halloween Potluck. Everyone was dressed up even the adults and no one paid a lot of attention to a kid that was alone grabbing food. There were no questions about where my mom was.  When I was a little older (maybe nine) a teenager stole my giant pillowcase full of candy. I went home sobbing and was surprised to find my uncle and his friends hanging out at my house. I told them about all the work I had done to prepare two homemade costumes so I could get twice the candy, and how heavy the bag was. My uncle's friends all lived in the neighbourhood, and his one friend Greg asked for a description. All si

I think we are all guilty of making plans for our kids. Or have a direction we think that their lives are going to go.  My son has always been a great kid. He is helpful, empathetic, and funny. Teachers and old people love him. When I thought about his future I pictured him as a teacher, or a nurse specializing in either geriatrics or pediatrics. I knew he was never going to be a doctor. Medical TV shoes make him uncomfortable from time to time. But definitely a helper profession. As he grew though and started to think about his future his bent was more towards mechanics. Turns out he is a gear head and he can fix just about anything. When it came time to pick his postsecondary plans he surprised us all by signing up for avionics instead of diesel mechanics. He isn't having a good time though. Turns out the wiring part doesn't match his vision of what he wants to do for the rest of his life. At the beginning of this program, we were discussing options that he would have by choo

 When is the last time you checked in with your male friends? Or your husband (if you have one)? This one is about the men in our lives.  Let's be honest. No one is ok right now. We are all tired of living in historic times. The isolation that we would normally stave off by being together stays. We are slogging through existence like Artax and Atreyu in The Neverending Story. Our swamp of sadness seems to be never-ending and the short bursts of happiness are coming in shorter intervals.  Now I am going to get around to the question I asked at the outset comes in. As a woman, it is societally acceptable to feel, talk about, and show my emotions. Generations of men have been told that "men don't cry", to suck it up and be the strong male archetype. They have been shown by movies and TV that men only cry silently in the garage, or in the truck on the way to their father's funeral, or when they have to shoot their dog that somehow got rabies. Most men have never felt

 If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? When I was a kid we moved around a lot. I don't love moving but I love the adventure of being somewhere new. Even if it's in the same city just a new neighbourhood. I have lots of places left on my list of places I want to see and experience. And some I need to return to.  My favourite place to travel to (so far) is the province where I was born. There is nowhere else like it. It sits off to the east coast kind of like an afterthought. The land is buffeted pretty much constantly by wind and by the waves. While a part of this country it definitely doesn't feel like it. The air is clean, the people are kind, and the houses colourful. I went back earlier in the summer to bury my grandfather. So while not a vacation I was very glad I was there to say goodbye. It was very hard to leave when it was time to come back. All I want to do is pack up my family and go back.  I think when on vacation we all imagine wha

Yesterday was kind of a weird Sunday in my city. I guess I should give some more detail. As you may be aware a week was election day where I live. A few days before the election (during advance voting) some news came to light about an incumbent city councilor. Prior to his political career, he was a police officer. A police officer who used his influence to get a 16-year-old into his home instead of giving her a ride home and in that home assaulted that child.  There are some other details that I am not all the way sure of. There have been conflicting reports over where she was and if he had known her previously. Those are not the points I am going to dwell on though. In my mind, those don't actually matter. All that matters to me is that this girl was assaulted by someone in a position of authority. Someone much older than her, who she knew had access to a weapon. And that she had been trying ever since to have this taken seriously. Instead, our police force put a letter of discip

Our newest favourite thing on Netflix is a show called Sex Education . Set in England, or maybe Wales (the location is never specifically mentioned) revolving around Otis who is your mostly typical teenage boy who is trying to figure it all out. His mom is a famous sex therapist (played by the amazing Gillian Anderson) and so he has to deal with that as well. There is a strong supporting cast of variously accented people.  In last nights episode, one of the characters is assaulted while taking the bus to school. At first, she thinks nothing of it, then it begins to affect her in many different ways. I don't want to give too much of the storyline away. It is a great series. Funny and touching. One of the plotlines within this story involves a group of teenaged girls sharing their experiences with other unwanted attentions.  It struck a little close to home. I don't think I know any women of my age group or above that don't have a story of something wrong happening to them. O

Have you heard about bones day and no bones day? On one of the many social media platforms, there is an adorable 13-year-old pug named Noodles . If he has a bones day it means that the day is all good, get out there and kick bum. If it is a no-bones day then you get to take it easy on yourself. Maybe stay in bed a little longer, or allow yourself to wallow in sadness for a few minutes extra. Apart from the silliness of letting a dog on the internet tell you what to do with your day, I think this comes with a good message about mental health. Frequently we don't let ourselves fully feel the bad things, heck even the good things. We tamp down and feelings and get on with it. For me, that leads to it all breaking through at the most inconvenient time. When I was laid off it took me a really long time to not feel guilty about letting down my coworkers. As though my being let go was my fault. As though the very toxic person I was working for actually thought about or cared about anyone

 The long stretch of elections is finally over. The votes have been counted and except for the few conspiracy theorists and sore losers the results have been digested and accepted. That's the funny thing about democracy. For the most part, it is taken very much for granted. We have always had the choice to use our voices and then when our team doesn't win we get to critique those that did and bemoan how much better it would have been if we had been victorious. As I educate myself more and more about how most government works though the more I realize that change happens very slowly if at all. The day after the results is always an interesting one. I have never been one to gloat about a candidate that I voted for wins, maybe because it's so rare that I have had the experience. I also have never been one to really get upset publically over who is now in power. But there are those who spiral on social media sites about the terrible decision that has been made and how the rest

There are many faults that can be found in the worship of celebrities. But there can also be some good things. Yesterday, October 17th, 2021, was the fourth anniversary of the passing of Gord Downie. He was the lead singer of The Tragically Hip , a poet , and a fighter. He never backed down from a fight.  Beyond the brain cancer that he fought and ultimately lost to, he fought for parts of Canada that were swept under the rug. Upon the announcement of his terminal illness, Gord and the rest of the band set out on a national tour. A long goodbye to the country that loved him almost as much as he loved it. I was lucky enough to attend one of those shows. I cried from almost the beginning through to the end. And I wasn't alone. It seemed like everyone there wanted to sing with Gord and the boys one last time. I wasn't the only one crying, I would say most of us there were. Then a few weeks later my family joined the millions of other Canadian households and watched the final show.

Is anyone else really tired? I can't seem to sleep. I go to bed. I lay there. I'm sure I must sleep but it never feels as though I am rested. I have never been a good sleeper. My brain is always going. Either I am going over the day I just had, and reliving every moment, and imagining what I could have done better. Or I am planning the next day. Or I am making plans for things I am never going to do. And on those special nights remembering any number of missteps I made in the past. It could be last week. It could be from grade eight. I have done all the things. I try to go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time every morning. My room is super dark. I have blackout curtains on every window. I keep my room cool and I change my sheets often. I don't drink coffee at all. I have a pop with supper and that is it.  I am beginning to think there is more going on than just bad sleep. It feels like more than that. In my bones I am fatigued. I have a feeling l

I'm finding it more and more difficult to take my own advice. Generally, I am very much a live and let live person. You do you and all of that. I try very hard to not judge people for their choices. Be they sandwich toppings or political candidates I truly believe that there is joy in everyone being able to share their opinions and explain why they choose one thing over another. Lately, though, I have to remind myself of this philosophy. We are currently at the tail end of a municipal election that came on the coattails of a federal election. Maybe I have election fatigue. I don't really have any one person running that I am particularly passionate about. I do have a couple that I am very strongly against. To the point that I openly scoffed at a lawn down the street that has campaign signs for both the mayoral candidate and the city councilor candidate that I detest.  When I was driving past that house the other day my first thought was: "Geez, those are definitely people

I have never been a competitive person. I guess except for two things: 1. Name that tune and 2. Trivia. For the most part, I am just happy to be included. I don't really think of my husband as competitive either. Somehow though our daughter is a born competitor. When she was younger I enrolled her in gymnastics. The gym we chose did not participate in competitions and that is what we wanted. After about a year of tumbling and balancing, she asked me when she was going to get to a medal. I explained to her that this gym doesn't have medals. She seemed ok with it and changed the subject. After the next round, she informed me that she was "overdoing the same skills every time and not winning". After a bit of a conversation, we decided not to sign her up for the next one and that it was time to find a new activity. Coincidentally around that same time, my husband and I went to a formal dinner that had a performance. The group was similar to one I had belonged to as a chil

The house my mom grew up in. My mom was 12 when her mother died. Besides my mom (who is the eldest) she also left seven other little girls and a nine-month-old baby boy, and my grandfather. My mom went from as normal a life as you could have with that many kids in the family in a very small town, to the main caretaker for the family. My uncle was sent to live with family members nearby and my grandfather had what equated to a mental breakdown. He still worked as he could, but everything else was left to my mom. Fast forward ten years and I come along.  I was raised by a single mom after my parents broke up when I was very young. I was the very definition of a latch-key kid. From the time I was in kindergarten forward, I got myself to and from school every day. That included all the personal grooming and homework. I don't remember a time when it wasn't clear to me that I needed to be an easy kid for my mom. She had enough to worry about. Not saying I was perfect. Far from it. Bu

One of my favorite things is driving around with the windows down, music on loud, and singing my heart out. Thanks to having the summer mostly off I have discovered that my daughter enjoys that same ritual. She even made a playlist so all the songs would be in one place. No more searching. As we were coming home from practice last night, indulging in what could be one of the last warm nights of the year I wondered to myself if she was going to remember our sing-alongs. When I was young (I know, I know. I have a bend towards nostalgia) summers were mostly spent with either my aunt and her family or with my grandmother. When I was with my aunt, uncle, and two cousins, we usually were camping or visiting some of their friends somewhere. Or just causing trouble in the backyard, which included at least one trip to the ER).  It was pretty standard summer vacation fun. With my grandmother though it was different.  My Grandmother (Nannie is what I actually call her) lived with me and mom on an

Remember when you were little and everything kind of felt like an adventure? At least that was how I looked at things.  All activities to me felt like they had the potential for something exciting to happen. Maybe I would see something neat, like a dog. Maybe we would run into someone we knew and the day would take a turn for the fun. I think we should bring this back.  There is a song that I delighted in as a child, and I know that my kids did as well. Sing along if you know it: "I am slowly going crazy. 1,2,3,4,5,6 switch. Crazy going slowly am I. 6,5,4,3,2,1 switch." Since the novelty of the pandemic has worn off I feel like I am living that song every day. I finally know how Bill Murray felt in Groundhog Day.  Sure, some small things are different but every day is the same. So that is why I think we need to shake ourselves up. Time to find the excitement in the every day again. It is time to put some effort in and choose to be happy. If not happy, then at least not misera

 Finally getting what you want can be a funny thing.  I worked for most of the pandemic for a company that said it was ok to work from home, but when someone did they were talked about as though they were slacking and had their work questioned. The few times that I worked from home I was made to feel guilty for doing it and was checked up on to make sure I was working.  That among other things made where I was working an incredibly toxic and mentally unhealthy place for me to be. When I worked there I did look for and apply for other jobs. Nothing ever came through though and eventually on the last day of May this year I was laid off. It was a blessing. After the sharp curve though of healing from no longer being there came the thought of what's next? Since I was young, then through school, and through all of my working days, I have always dreamed of being a writer. I had some success with playwriting in high school, and as an adult whenever I wrote something or came up with an ide

  Ok, guys, I am fired up again.  What?  Over another election. I know! You are shocked. Here is what happened today.  I was doing the thing where you research the people you are going to vote for to make sure that they represent you. As I was bopping through my research I realized that as a part of this municipal election there is more than just a new mayor on the line. This election in this city is jam-packed this time around.  Not only are we voting for mayor, but we are also voting on whether fluoride should be reintroduced to our drinking water, equalization payments, and senate.  I love to vote. And here is the thing with this specific election. I have a bone to pick with the senate election part. Generally, Senate candidates are recommended by an independent board to the Prime Minister, who then passes their names onto the Governer General for an appointment. Our current government though has decided that instead of following this path they will run a popularity contest.  If yo

 It's Friday! Or as I like to call it Friyay! There is so much promise to a Friday. You have the whole weekend ahead of you. Maybe your Friday is not a Friday. Maybe it's a Tuesday. Either way that night before a day off is the best. Whether you have plans or not there is always the potential of some shenanigans occurring.  Of course, my good times now are not the same as they used to be. No more clubs and later nights that turned into early mornings for me. Now my idea of a good time is crocheting a blanket while listening to music. Or reading a book while listening to music. Or cooking while listening to music. I guess really anything as long as I get to listen to music.  How often though do we take the time to really do what we really enjoy doing? I know I am not a doctor (I just play one on TV) but if I were I would prescribe that each and every one of you take the time to do something you LOVE this weekend.  Here are some suggestions: Lay in bed, eat ice cream and binge yo