Mean brain = no sleep

Last night was a rough one. 

I am pretty sure my anxiety had anxiety last night. 

My brain was in a mean mood and man was it taking some low blows. Together we ran through the whole gamut of mistakes I have made and all the fears that I am currently working through. Then there was the pacing dog, I am not sure if she was sensing what was going on with me or if she had some stuff of her own going on. Not really great for sleep either way. 

Usually, I can talk myself into falling asleep by using the five steps to reduce anxiety:

Five things I can see

Four things I can touch

Three things I can hear

Two things I can smell 

One thing I can taste.

That didn't work, then I counted backwards from 100 a couple of times, then tried the alphabet. Still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I tried a number of things with none of them really working until finally around four I nodded off. Then was up at seven to take my daughter to school. I am having a slow-paced day as a result of last nights fun and am working on not beating myself up over it.  

I find I am infinitely kinder to other people than I am to myself. I think we are all that way. It really doesn't make a lot of sense though does it? How do we have patience with others when we beat ourselves up over silly things like saying "you, too" when an airline employee wishes us a good flight. The other day I walked into the men's room in a store, no one saw me do it. And yet I felt myself turn bright red. And I am still a little embarrassed about it. Which makes no sense. Either way, I am going to go and be consciously nicer to myself today. And maybe I should try coffee. 



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