Something Something Door Opening

 A year ago today I was laid off. 

At the time, it was fairly devastating. 

I felt a lot of guilt. There were a lot of worries, and many sleepless nights. The workplace itself was toxic. The people in charge showed again and again how little the employees meant to them. Everyone there was (and still is) fully replaceable and nothing was ever done to mitigate that feeling. 

There are many things I could say about that place. Not much of it would be complimentary though. So instead of focusing on the bad, let's look at the good that has come out of it. 

My mental health has improved greatly over the past year. I don't cry almost every day, and all of my dreams aren't work-related anxiety dreams. I don't doubt myself and what I can do quite as much, and I don't have to choose between my family and my job. 

I am closer to my kids than I was a year ago. We laugh a lot more together now. I don't think they have to worry about how my day was anymore. While I am sure he misses the money I was bringing in, I know that my husband is also a lot less concerned with my well-being. 

I don't get the Sunday night blues anymore. Monday is no longer the worst day on the calendar, and I don't have to walk on eggshells during the day. I am grateful for the skills that I learned there. All the various tasks and platforms that I used have helped me start a new job.

The new job is different, in good ways. I get to work from home, I pick my clients and the hours that I work. It's pretty new, so I am just starting out. But I got my first client this week, and am looking at another. And I am excited about this step. 

There is a saying that involves closing a door to open a window (I think Maria sings about it, maybe while spinning in the mountains). This time a door was slammed in my face and locked while I stood still half in the doorway. I think I knew that any end to the company I used to work for was not going to end well. I was getting used to the idea of having to burn the bridge (quitting that company made you an instant enemy), but then the universe had other plans. It always does. 

Would I have changed how it all went down? Result-wise, nope. But I do wish that I had said all the things that were rushing through my mind when I was faced with three people (two I trusted) to be told I wasn't doing my job and needed to be sent home so they could decide what to do with me. Even more so, I shouldn't have been so quiet when the phone call came a few days later to let me know that I was laid off. I should have told my former boss about all of the things that she was told about me that weren't true. I should have thanked her for showing me how I should not lead people. But I know that all of it wouldn't have changed a thing anyway. Some people think they're right even as they run themselves off of a cliff thinking they are headed in the right direction. 

All bad things eventually turn into something good. It can't rain all the time. While the paths we take aren't always the ones we thought we would, the new ones usually lead us to something better. And I am looking forward to what comes next. If you have any ideas, let me know. 


Music Corner

The first song I thought about for this was Changes by David Bowie. I adore David Bowie. Have you seen Labyrinth? You should see it, or watch it again. Then I thought of another song that maybe fit the optimistic feel of the changes that I am talking about. 

So, I went with "A Change Will Do You Good" by Sheryl Crow. The song was the fourth single off of Crow's self-titled album that was released in 1996 (the song itself was released in 1997). Written in New Orleans by Sheryl Crow, Jeff Trott, and Brian McLeod; the song was written by pulling classic soul music and adding mostly abstract lyrics. 

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