1st World Problems

 A year ago today I was laid off.  At the time, it was fairly devastating.  I felt a lot of guilt. There were a lot of worries, and many sleepless nights. The workplace itself was toxic. The people in charge showed again and again how little the employees meant to them. Everyone there was (and still is) fully replaceable and nothing was ever done to mitigate that feeling.  There are many things I could say about that place. Not much of it would be complimentary though. So instead of focusing on the bad, let's look at the good that has come out of it.  My mental health has improved greatly over the past year. I don't cry almost every day, and all of my dreams aren't work-related anxiety dreams. I don't doubt myself and what I can do quite as much, and I don't have to choose between my family and my job.  I am closer to my kids than I was a year ago. We laugh a lot more together now. I don't think they have to worry about how my day was anymore. While I am sure he

Are you a work-in-silence person? Or a background noise person? I am a something in the background person.  Usually, it's music, but podcasts come in as a close second. My favorite podcasts are from the true crime genre.  I stumbled across one the other day that brought back a flood of memories. In 1991, mom and I lived in Richmond, BC. I was in grade six at WD Ferris elementary. Richmond is a suburb of Vancouver, and technically the YVR (Vancouver) airport is located in Richmond. I loved Richmond. It was close to the ocean, I could walk to school, and I made friends that lived on my block.  Like many other towns, there were local ghost stories and houses that kids told other kids to avoid. The network of kids is always full of information. Not always fully accurate, but there is a whisper of truth. Not far away from where we lived, and even closer to the 7/11 where we would go to get Slurpees, was the Cindy James house. Cindy James was a nurse who met a tragic end. When we first m

 Sadness comes in waves.  Sometimes the waves are large and terrifying.  Sometimes they are small, just enough to remind you that they are there. Sometimes the sea is calm, and you forget about the waves. There are days when the sea is calm and you are sailing along when a small wave comes and makes you pause for a minute, just to reflect. Other times, rogue waves come out of nowhere. They take you down with great force, and you have to fight to free yourself from their power.  No matter what size the wave is, it does take effort and care to get yourself back into calm waters. From time to time and wave to wave, freeing yourself from the water can feel like more effort than you care to take.  Other times, you pop back up without much effort at all. Then there are the storms. You get hit with wave after wave. Tired doesn't even being to cover what you are feeling. Everything burns, you feel paralyzed, and you don't think you're going to be able to break free this time. There

The brain is one heck of a thing.  It sits in our heads, basically piloting around a meat suit. Neither one of us can really survive without the other.   And for something smart enough to name itself, it sure can be mean to the body that it needs to survive, and to itself.  Right now things are pretty tough. Not just for me, but it feels like we are all going through it. I had a really rough weekend. Lots of different small and medium-sized bad things combined into a giant anchor-sized (and weighted) big thing. I am still feeling the effects of it today, and it will probably take a while to shake it.  I fought all day on Sunday to stay present, to keep up with all the things I had to do that day. There was a potluck to prepare for, people to be around, and a visit to my grandmother at her care center, all while trying to keep it together so no one would see that I was struggling.  I kept to myself for most of the afternoon. When I did have to leave the safety of my trailer (did I menti

 It seems my post yesterday was written just a touch too soon.  In traditional narcissistic behavior, it seems someone just couldn't help himself. And he is back for another round of "let's see just how far I can push this province until I bankrupt it financially and emotionally". He is giving off real Ross and Rachel "I didn't cheat, we were on a break vibes" with this stunt. Our friend Jason Kenney is like that itch you just can't get to. After less than 24 of being gone, he came back. Someone on his team even posted a not-at-all staged video of him walking into the board room to get down to business. Our little dancing buddy even got a (not rehearsed at all) standing ovation from the ministers within. Only a couple of them had the dignity to look uncomfortable about the backward pageantry of it all. I guess the good news is that he has said he is only back in leadership until the UCP party finds a good leader. Looking at the majority of the candid

 If you have been reading my written meanderings for a while, you are probably expecting me to be super excited about what happened yesterday. Unless you haven't heard.  Jason "Kenbabe" Kenney made it through his leadership review by the skin of his teeth (incidentally, I hate the phrase it makes my teeth hurt). And then took the podium. From the crowd's reaction to his speech that I watched, his announcement that he was stepping down came as a surprise for everyone.  My initial reaction when I heard was one of elation. Then excitement. Now I am worried.  Jason (the real-world embodiment of Randy from The Trailer Park Boys) was not the right leader for the average Albertan. Own an oil and gas company? Do your kids go to a private school? Do you believe that public healthcare is terrible, and those who can afford to jump the line are the ones that deserve health care? Then he was your man. For the rest of us, who work every day and don't have much of their paychequ

 I am a big believer in signs from the universe.  Not just from the universe, but I also think that loved ones who have passed send us little messages from time to time.  Now, I am aware that both of these beliefs may just be tools for dealing with loss or dealing with life every day. And I am ok with that. Both are also family-held beliefs. When my mom and I see dragonflies, we think of her mom. When I smell Noxzema or tobacco I think of one of my grandfathers. For the other, it's Old Spice and Lamb's Navy Rum.  As an example, when my daughter was born she had a collapsed lung and a few other issues. We couldn't hold her for the first few days. And no one was really able to tell us what was wrong. One of the times that my mom stepped outside to get a break from the NICU, she was surrounded by dragonflies. A cloud of them came out of nowhere and buzzed around her for a few minutes. She felt calm, and like her mom had come to tell her it was going to be ok. And it was.  Coin

 Some of the royals have landed in Newfoundland.  Prince Charles and Camilla to be exact.  Their visit is a part of the platinum jubilee celebrations, it also feels like a soft launch of his monarchy. I can't say that I am a huge fan of the royal family. I don't have any tea towels with their faces on them, and I can't say that the idea of going to see them in public is something I would be a part of, but as we say around here: let people enjoy things.  I am not going to get into the debates about taxpayer money funding their lives, or if the need for the monarchy and their role in our government is outdated. For me, they have always lived on the same level as Harvey the Hound, just more expensive.  Figureheads have their place, and these ones need to move with the times as much as the rest of us do. Earlier this year Wills and Kate did a whirlwind tour of the British territories in the Caribbean. It wasn't the most successful trip, and maybe someone should have done mo

 What was your comfort item as a child? Or did you even have one? If you have read this blog a few times, I am sure you can guess which side of the page I fall on here. Before I was born a few pieces of flannel were sewn together to make a small blanket. Believe it or not, I still have it, sort of. Maybe the spirit of it would be a better description. Perhaps I should explain.  I will turn 43 this year, and I still sleep with this blanket. It has been recovered, envelope style many times. It is lumpy now, probably due to the layers of flannel within that are breaking down from a combination of love and sleeping on. I doubt that the original flannel is actually still in there in any recognizable form. It has probably long deteriorated, or it could just be a collection of a few strings caught up with other layers of flannel. I don't carry the blanket everywhere I go, and the outer layers are in pretty good shape. It's soft and surprisingly hefty. For the most part, I use it in th

 It's been an angry few days.  So let's shift perspective. At base, I would think that the vast majority of us would choose kindness over malice.  I don't want to think that there are many people out there that would move with the intention of hurting people. At least not specific people.  If you really think about it, on a day when you are out and about your day is probably filled with countless tiny little kindnesses. It can be something as small as smiling at a stranger when you walk past each other or saying thank you when someone lets you by with your cart in a grocery store. Maybe you let someone in when you were driving, maybe someone let you in and you gave the tiny wave in response.  I generally am not a big picture person, I tend to live very much in the moment (unless it's 3 am and there doesn't seem to be a lick of sleep coming my way). Not everyone is that way. I try to do good things because it just makes things easier. I am a lazy person by default an

 How much of parenting is just trying to get ahead of the problem? Every time I think we have a handle on what is going on in the world, some new chaos arises and we are in information mode again.  I have always been open with my kids no matter the issue, and I have shared my opinion and encouraged them to have and share their own. A healthy discussion with differing viewpoints where no one gets angry is always the goal. As the issues seemingly become more personal and hot button-type topics, the discussions and information that is talked about and the research done into why it matters and how it matters is getting to be more frequent.  There are certain benefits to living this close to America. In the past, it was good to know that they would protect and help us should something go sideways war-wise. It was good to have them as our main trade partner. We have the longest demilitarized border in the world with our southern neighbors, and that is something that we should be proud of.  W

 Yesterday was Mother's Day.  I am not good at the Hallmark holidays.  I don't like celebrating someone just because I am told to. If you love someone, you should tell them every chance you get. Or show them in the little ways, like making sure they've eaten or listening to them without hurrying them.  Mother's Day is a big one for me though. For most of my childhood, it was just me and my mom. And for a lot of her childhood, she didn't have a mom. My mom and I tackle things in very similar ways, we prefer honesty over playing games and we give people far too many chances.  Then there are the people in my life that took on the role of other mothers. for the purpose of this entry I am going to limit myself. Two of my aunts in particular backed up my mom in ways that I am not sure they realize. Both on my dad's side. They both worked and ran a house like my mom, both are tough women who don't put up with anyone wasting their time. My aunts and my mom taught me

 It's been one heck of a week. One of those weeks when I understand why people run away and try to make a new life somewhere else with no connections to what they left behind. I get it, but I like most of the people in my life and it wouldn't make sense to take them all with me, so I guess I stay.  One of the things that keep me going is the knowledge that we are all suffering through the same storm right now (just separate boats). I would say that most of us are not ok. But, we are all hanging on and that is where the power lies.  The temptation to literally or metaphorically "take to the bed" is really high right now. As I have said before I am over living in historic times. We all are. There are a couple of good things coming out of this period of struggling though.  I find I am more aware of finding joy in things. Spending time with people I like, in person. Sharing a laugh and creating some new memories. Returning to familiar places and not avoiding life. While I